***This was originally posted on the Confessions blog***

So I survived the epic Beany Malone saga by fantasizing about corrupt the hot and dorky Johnny Malone. I know so very wrong but come on…you know you were thinking it too! And what series did my genius brain pick for this installment of FROM THE LIBRARY STACKS? Something a little more fun!

Back in 1942 three ladies and their gentleman protector/handyman stepped out the pages of a comic novel SUDS IN YOUR EYE and into the hearts of America for the next 20 years. Want to know more? Let’s start by meeting our cast of characters!

The Noah’s Ark-ers:

Mrs. Annie Feeley: owner of the junkyard Noah’s Ark, co-creator of a fence MADE OF BEER CANS, can make anything grow.

Mrs. Rassmussen: friend of Mrs. Feeley’s, always perfectly pressed and neat, can make a feast out of a paper clip, an onion and pinch of salt.

Miss Agnes Tinkham: retired, refined music teacher. Adores Culture and Thrift Shops.

Old-Timer: handyman at Noah’s Ark, served on the Star of India, cracker jacker mechanic. Very, very quiet.

Noah’s Ark Regulars:

Danny Malone: Mrs. Feeley’s nephew. Serves in the Navy.

Katy Logan: the ladies Spanish teacher

Darleen: peroxide B-girl with a heart of gold

Daphne Garfunkel: friend of Darleen, mother of Myrna and Pierpont. WWII widow.

Timmy Rafferty: owner of the Infantry Bar

Suds in Your Eye (1942):  While searching for new lodgings in war time San Diego, Miss Tinkham stumbles across Noah’s Ark, a junkyard surrounded by a beer can fence run by fiesty Irish widow Annie Feeley who according to her friends has “a heart like a poorhouse blanket with a side for everyone”. Enter Mrs. Rassmussen, a widow who has had it looking after her daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren. Mrs. Feeley and Mrs. Rassmussen decide to live together and after a night on the tiles, take in Miss Tinkham as the third lady of the house. The ladies deal with rising prices in the “cost of living” (ie beer), Miss Tinkham’s loss of rental income from a house back East and studying Spanish with the pretty Katy Logan with good cheer and plenty of good eats. How awesome are things at the Ark? Mrs. Feeley’s in the Navy nephew Danny comes home from a visit and falls for the lovely Miss Katy Logan. Then comes the day Miss Tinkham reads one of the letters from the town that Mrs. Feeley deposits in her tax payment jar. Unless the taxes are paid, Mrs. Feeley is going to lose Noah’s Ark. Vowing vengeance on the lawyer who never paid her taxes, Mrs. Feeley and friends raise the tax money by selling best items from the junkyard, careful budgeting by Mrs. Rassmussen and a stint for all four Arkies as “tuna queens” at one of the fish canneries. Now that the Ark is saved, the Arkies can enjoy the long-awaited trip to Tijuana for Miss Katy Logan’s Spanish class. While taking in the local culture (ie hitting the bars), the ladies of the Ark encounter Mrs. Feeley’s thieving lawyer. Thanks to their quick thinking, the shyster is caught! It turns out that Mrs. Feeley wasn’t the only person the shyster fleeced because a contingent of Chinese businessmen give Mrs. Feeley a $500 reward. And if that wasn’t the capper, Danny and Katy Logan announce they’re getting married. Using the $500 bankroll, the Arkies give Danny and Katy the wedding party of the decade.

High Time (1944): the ladies of the Ark have recovered from Danny and Katy’s wedding party. But how can they serve their country best? They’ve can’t serve in the Armed Forces (due to age) and the defense plants don’t want them. So can they relieve a defense worker? Enter Lily, a Rosie the Riveter with six month old twins Winston and Franklin. But before the ladies start babysitting how about tying on a good one? While enjoying their last night of freedom, the ladies of the Ark meet B-girl Darleen been shaken down by a lowlife. The ladies of the Ark rescue the bleached blonde lass and even though she doesn’t drink beer think the girl might have potential. Darleen wanting to return the ladies kindness takes them out for an evening of fun. But the ladies come home with more than a pressure cooker for the twins food, they’ve inherited the demon children of Darleen’s next door neighbor, war widow Daphne. The next morning the ladies wonder if they’ve bitten off more than they can chew because little Myrna and Pierpont are Satan in child form. But who else is going to take care of the little demons while their mother Daphne dries out? Darleen bolstered by the ladies of the Ark belief that she isn’t a total whore and could be a good wife to her best guy Johnny abandons the B-girl life to take care of Myrna and Pierpont. The twins’ father returns and the ladies bid goodbye to $60 a month. But just because the twins are gone and Darleen’s Johnny is going to marry her and buy her a house across the street doesn’t mean things are quiet at the Ark. Deciding to help the war effort by becoming blood donors the ladies befriend defense workers who need better diets STAT. Enter Mrs. Rassmussen’s mad cooking skills. The Ark quickly becomes an eating club but what’s a club without a clubhouse? Using her wits and the best of what’s left in junkyard Mrs. Feeley creates a proper clubhouse for her boys.  The Four Freedoms is barely open when Mrs. Feeley’s nephew Danny drops by with a surprise. Katy is having a baby and wants the ladies of the Ark! Refusing to take a penny from Danny for the fares, the ladies of the Ark throw a grand “fundraising” bash called Bundles for Brooklyn and the highlight of party? Smashing the 10,000 beer can fence around the Ark for scrap!

One on the House (1949): So little Danny Malone is five years old, but the ladies of the Ark in New York to see the Danny Malones before they move to Danny’s new posting in Alaska. Sure the Thrift Shops, Broadway and the racetrack are fun but there’s nothing like San Diego! After losing their shirts at the track, the ladies barely have the fare to Newark, NJ left alone San Diego. But too proud to admit defeat they trick Danny and Katy at the train station and vow to get back to San Diego on their own wits. Trapped in New Newark and outraged at the cost of living being 25 cents a bottle the ladies stumble across the run down Infantry Bar and almost literally stumble over it’s owner Timmy Rafferty. Thanks to Miss Tinkham’s quick thinking, Timmy is rushed to the hospital in the nick of time but things are dicey all around. The ladies decide to make camp at the Infantry Bar for the time being. And after discovering Timmy’s a veteran (AirBorne not their beloved Navy but a veteran all the same), the ladies decide to try and turn things around for Timmy. Do you really think little things like a huge brewery bill, barely any customers or beer and a nosy cop are going to keep the ladies of the Ark down? Even Old Timer is put to work. Before you can say boo! the brewery bill is paid, the cop is bring the ladies nice cozy cots to sleep in, the local Jewish tailor and his wife have adopted the Arkies and business at the renamed Road to Ruin is booming. But as Timmy gets better, trouble looms in from form of local ward boss McGoon who wants the Road to Ruin and Timmy gone baby gone! Sensing money in the air and swearing venegance on the crooked politico the ladies get McGoon’s piece on the side Blondelle enough money to start a new life and Timmy a nest egg to go back to school and marry his beloved Barbara. Now of course these good deeds don’t go without a reward. The Arkies are going back to San Diego in style courtesy of the 1926 Cadillac sedan that Old Timer has been restoring at the local garage packed with enough beer to float the Navy!

But wait…there’s more! Part II will have the rest of the novels. Reading all six of them in one go is thirsty work and the cost of living Gwen style (ie diet ginger ale) is $2.99 a 12 pack! And Blacklight isn’t exactly Mrs. Rassmussen with the Aldi’s frozen veg and boneless chicken breast…