Even though I coordinate the hot pink cover on Mr iPhone to the pink trim on my new Lands’ End tote with my initials in matching pink to a pink and green Lilly cotton scarf and pair THAT with slim gray pants, black ballet flats, white blouse and pink sweater tied around my shoulders, I know I come from THE WRONG KIND OF WHITE PEOPLE. Oh, calm down NASCAR and Toby Keith loving bio relatives! I know we’re not straight out of  The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia! But we’re certainly not the demographic who pick up Whiter Shades of Pale, flick through the chapters and nod sagely, let alone pick up a quick nibble from Whole Foods and wear NPR gear head to toe! And remember I’m the family member with the massive crush on NPR Music’s Stephen Thompson!

So what is Whiter Shades of Pale? Well, according to author Christian Lander, it’s things white (the right kind of white that is) like. Funny or Ironic tattoos. Me: Nope. Trivia. Me: Yes. Sea Salt. Me: Yes if it’s at a restaurant, I’m not paying $7-25 for a frosted pop tart jar of salt! Trader’s Joe. Me: It depends, kinda crunchy. Appearing to enjoy classical music. Me: frosted pop tart you, I like classical music and listen to it at work, just ask my former Barnes & Noble coworkers!. Camping. Me: ARE YOU HIGH? I HATE OUTSIDE! (bonus points if you got the Logan’s Run reference). Small batch soda. Me: rip my Diet Canada Dry out of my undead paws. American Apparel, Hummus, My So-Called Life, Mad Men, Alternative Newspapers, Ugly Sweater Parties, Bumper Stickers, Monty Python, Improv….Me: BLANKET NO!

Let’s face it. Whiter Shades of Pale is your book if you love the IFC series Portlandia or read The Hipster Handbook to death. Got Judge John Hodgman on your iPod? (Dear Family, that was the fat dorky guy in the Mac & Windows commercials, cue Blacklight and Clan Gwendy going “ohhh him” and heading out to Dunkee Cup for an extra-large hot coffee and a double choccy donut) If this sounds like you, I bet you already own Whiter Shades of Pale. If you’re more like me, Judge John Hodgman almost caused you to have a ‘sode at work, you can go into Whole Foods and spend less than $10, Starbucks is a for special treat, then either read Whiter Shades of Pale in one of those nice comfy chairs at Barnes & Noble or go to the posh town’s library and check it out. You’re using the library system (very very very good) AND saving yourself $15.00! I get Whiter Shades of Pale is suppose to be quirky and ironic and meta and all that stuff but it’s not a book for me. If it’s your thing, more power to ya!