Day: May 13, 2012

I Have A Sad (And A Mission)

~ Wendy-Marie ~ Leave a comment

With a long waited for and most blessed vacation upon me this week, I flung aside my Kindle stuffed to the gills with free (i.e. public domain) books and went to the New Britain Public Library to scoop up some inter-library loans and get an armload of magazines (which my brain will always hear as “Madga seens” a la The Gunslinger in The Drawing of The Three). So Entertainment Weekly Summer Movie Issue stashed in my book bag I wandered over to The National Review to check out the latest The Bent Pin. And whimpered and dug through the pile until I found the farewell column. Once again, Florence King is retiring. And she’s sick. And I may just turn on the TV or see online one day soon that she’s passed.

Florence King is one of the very few authors I can tell you exactly what libraries have which copies. Or the places and circumstances I found and bought her works.

He: An Irreverent Look at the American Male? Noah Webster Library (the main branch of the West Hartford, CT library), three rows from the left of the Teen Room, very bottom shelf, about four books in. Amazing to even find copy in CT. Had only read excerpt in The Florence King Reader due to rarity and cost of used copies online.

When Sisterhood was in Flower? Fiction sections of both the New Britain Public Library and Southbury Public Library.

Reflections in a Jaundiced Eye? Southbury Public Library. Could find in three minutes at old library location. Would need about 15 minutes to find at the new, huge, shiny building near the other middle school/Heritage Village.

WASP, Where is Thy Sting? New Britain Public Library. Must handle with care because cover is separating from spine in the front. Section on the WASP who goes all rustic with his wife Faith is falling out and needs re-binding. Think might be the only person who has checked out this book over the last 10 years.

Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady? UMO (University of Maine, Orono to the average bloke) library, fiction stacks. Read to pieces.

 

The Barbarian Princess ? Her one and only bodice ripper under the pen name Laura Buchanan, mass market paperback from the 1970s found in an Old Town, Maine junk shop during a visit from my parents in the spring of 1993 for 50 cents right next to an ancient RCA proto-laser disc player just like the one my dad bought years ago.

With Charity Toward None: A Fond Look at Misanthropy? Purchased at hip, independent New Haven bookstore after a trip to the Peabody Museum in 1992 with my mother and one of her friends.

The Florence King Reader? Purchased at the Fifth Avenue Barnes & Noble on my first, ALL BY SELF NYC adventure and devoured on the Metro-North train back to Danbury.

STET, Damnit! Purchased three times, twice on Amazon, third and last time in late March at the Book Barn Downtown for $4 for the hardcover because am certain will never get back from co-worker loaned copy to. Which is okay, because it means Miss Florence King has another rabid reader in “Commander” Reynolds.

That’s just select titles off the top of my head. So my mission this lovely vacation week, (besides eat my own weight in Gummi Bears) is to photocopy all The Bent Pins in the back issues of The National Review.

Because Florence King is worth it.

Eloise’s Guide To Life

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***The Final May 2011 Eloise Horror…READ THIS IF YOU DARE***

Yup, another Eloise book!

But if you’ve read the original Eloise series, Eloise’s Guide to Life or How to Eat, Dress, Travel, Behave, and Stay Six Forever! is really Hand Over $10 to the Estate of Kay Thomson and Hillary Knight.

Because, Dear Readers, our little guide to the Eloise Life is just a handful of Eloise quips with a few new drawing just the right size to slip into a pocket. But if you’re a hard core Eloise addict, scamper off to Amazon or B&N and “Charge It!”

The Secret of The Lonely Doll

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***May 2011 Biography backlog time!***

You know how sometimes reading one book can get you to want to re-read another one?

For me, it was reading a Kay (Eloise) Thompson biography. Because it triggered the memory of another best selling series featuring a blonde girl turned into best selling doll and all the rage. Yet the two books act like the other never existed.

But in New York City, two bleached blondes of a certain age were creating young blonde alter egos who lived in a fantastic version of New York. While Eloise was laying waste to The Plaza, blocks away a little blonde named Edith was having adventures with her friends Mr Bear and Little Bear.

There’s something eerie and rather off when you track down The Lonely Doll books. Edith the doll is childish yet knowing. And most frightening of all, a clear doppelganger for her owner/creator Dare Wright.

Just how creepy? Get your hands on a copy of Jean Nathan’s The Secret Life of The Lonely Doll: The Search for Dare Wright.

The hardcover edition will have a mosaic of pictures. The trade paperback will have what looks like a dead Barbie doll with seashells on her eyes and a rope of pearls. That’s Dare Wright, author, photographer, model, artist, eternal child.

You could sum up Dare Wright’s life as “totally freaking messed up”. That’s a very brief way of putting it. Just how very, truly messed up her life was not even her biographer could get to the bottom of. But after her parents’ bitter divorce, never seeing her father again, being separated from her beloved older brother for over twenty years and never never never out of her mother’s grasp certainly doesn’t make for a healthy and productive adult life.

Sure, Dare Wright wrote best selling books and was a successful model who could create of the illusion of luxury out of a gum wrapper and a toothpick. (Wonder what she would do with our dragon collection and Blacklight’s 500+ game collection?) But Dare Wright couldn’t form an adult relationship with a man, behaved like a small child well into her sixties and slept with her mother right up to her mother’s death.

When you put down The Secret Life of The Lonely Doll, you realize that Dare Wright was an illusion, a fantasy, a dream creature. Every artist works out their life and traumas in their art.

But not every artist leaves you as sad and drained as Dare Wright.

Edith & Mr Bear

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***Don’t be scared…okay…it’s The Lonely Doll, so BE SCARED May 2011 post backlog***

It’s The Lonely Doll Time!

Or as Blacklight calls it “Creepy Doll and The Bears Time!”.

Creepy Doll Edith and Little Bear are waiting for Mr Bear to get home from a trip.

(Blacklight: “Mr Bear? A trip where? San Francisco?”).

Mr Bear comes home with presents, GO MR BEAR GO! Little Brat Little Bear gets a sailboat. Creepy Doll Edith gets a purty long party dress! Mr Bear gets a clock

(Blacklight: “What?!?!?” Me: “C-L-O-C-K” Blacklight (disappointed): “Ohhh”).

Now will Mr Bear’s clock get busted?  Duh.  Will Creepy Doll Edith lie about breaking the clock? (It was an accident, but still!). Yup.

Creepy Doll  Edith runs away and almost decides to sneak on a ship and go away for ever and a day. Sadly she changes her mind, goes back home, confesses to Mr Bear and promises to be good.

Yeah right and Blacklight never never ever sneaks out to Dunkee Cup when I’m at work and chugs down an extra large iced coffee with a veggie flatbread sandwich. I must hallucinate the Dunkee Cup bag in the trash at least three times a week! Or I REALLY REALLY REALLY need new glasses ASAP!

There are good points about Edith & Mr Bear.

(Blacklight: “No way! Hey’s there’s a cute little kitty…awwww…kitty kitty kitty”).

If you know about Dare Wright (pick up Jean Nathan’s The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll), you’ll know she shot the bulk of the photos in her own apartment and stitched every inch of Edith’s clothes herself. Dare also has a certain way with light, shadows and scale that make Edith seem almost human in some shots.

(Blacklight (rocking back and forth): “Creepy Doll! Creepy Doll!”).

All in all, Edith learns a lesson, there IS a cute little kitty and I can tell myself “Edith and the Bears are probably locked in a box somewhere right?”.

The Lonely Doll

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***The Lonely May 2011 blog posts backlog***

Blacklight (peering over my shoulder): “Why can you see that doll’s underwear? Is it that some kind of thing?”

Me: “Go away reading”

Blacklight: “And why are you reading a kid’s book? Aren’t you like mumblemumblethirtysomethingmumblemumble?”

Me: “Go AWAY”

Ah, the joys of trying to read something for your literary blog when your husband is bored of playing Orbiter.

But he did have a point. What is exactly is up with all the panty shots in The Lonely Doll?  I know darn well thanks to Jean Nathan’s The Secret Life of The Lonely Doll, that the author Dare Wright could sew anything, so why make Edith the Lonely Doll’s dress so damn short?

I don’t want to see panties.

If I did want to see panties I have a WHOLE DAMNABLE DRAWER OF THEM!

Okay, rant done.

The Lonely Doll, aka Edith aka The Creepy Doll (TM Blacklight) lives all by herself in a glam apartment. Sounds good to me!

But Edith wants friends. One day two bears show up and tell her they are there to be her friends. Edith is all “YIPPEE”. I’m all “okay????”. Everything is all jolly and wonderful until one day when Mr Bear (the bigger bear, he’s basically the Dad) leaves Edith and Little Brat Little Bear alone. They find a dressing room of glamorous things and try them on. Then Mr Bear comes home, finds the mess and spanks the snot out of them.

Lessons are learned. I think Dare Wright has lifetime subscriptions. Blacklight thinks Edith is EVILZ.

And both of us want to stick Little Brat Little Bear in closet, lock it and through away the key.Small children might see The Lonely Doll differently but I’m not about to track it down and buy it for the little nieces.

A Gift from The Lonely Doll

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***And you thought the Eloise series was….INTERESTING….behold…THE LONELY DOLL May 2011 backlog posts!***

Another Lonely Doll book!

Another bazillion dead brain cells!

It’s Christmas time!

And just how do Lonely Dolls and Bears who appear to live in a luxury apartment in New York City celebrate Christmas?

Why they go out to the country!

To visit Mr Bear’s cousins!

(Blacklight: “Sure….Mr Bear’s cousins…”)

But Edith wants to make sure Mr Bear has a very special Christmas! So she decides to make a present! She’s going to knit Mr Bear a scarf!

Cue Blacklight and Little Brat Little Bear “sure….”.

So Edith knits and knits and knits. She even smuggles the scarf to THE COUNTRY and knits some more. And what does Mr Bear open on Christmas Day? The world’s biggest striped scarf! Little Brat Little Bear is quick to point out the flaws in the scarf (too long, holes, dropped stitches).

Edith cries. I would have wrapped Little Bear up in the scarf, poured a pot of honey on him and left him in the woods. Edith is the nicer person. Edith also gets a brilliant idea (no, NOT THE HONEY ONE).

By story’s end all three Big Bears (cue Blacklight cackling madly) are wearing a scarf each…AWWWWWWW….and Little Bear lives another day (DANG IT!).

If I was stuck in an elevator with only one kiddie Christmas book to read and the choices where A Gift from The Lonely Doll  or Eloise at Christmastime, I’ll take the Lonely Doll. The elevator shafts are well too maintained at The Plaza to realize my Christmas miracle wish of Eloise in free fall.

And I can always dream of Little Bear getting lost in the woods…

Eloise at Christmastime

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***Holiday Horrors…another May 2011 Eloise series backlog post…READ THIS…IF YOU DARE!***

Who would think a children’s book (I know, I know, Kay Thompson never considered Eloise a children’s book but can you find it in the adult section? NO!) would send me into a screaming rage full of burning questions?

Just who in the name of all that is good and holy are Eloise’s parents canoodling with for management to allow this little monster thing from the depths of hell to stay at their hotel? Don’t other guests complain? Does Eloise’s mother have pictures of herself, the owner of The Plaza and a farm animal?

Because trust me, Eloise is a total brat from hell. Imagine the sheer torture of working there as some little monster races through? Having to smile and be all “oh that’s just Eloise” because you need the job THAT BADLY?

Blacklight: “Honey, aren’t you reading this book a little too deeply?”

Okay, okay, okay. Bottle the rage. Bottle it bottle it bottle it.

It’s Christmas time and Eloise is scampering dampering around The Plaza spreading pure evil Christmas Cheer a la Eloise! There’s presents for everyone! (Golly! No Eloise goes to boarding school until she’s 21? Because THAT WOULD THE MOST AWESOME PRESENT EVER).

Scamper Damper Eloise, Scamper Damper.

Do you have some Advil for me?

No?

FROSTED POP TART!

Eloise’s mother has the sense of mind to be far far far away from The Plaza. Smart woman! Then again she did spawn Eloise. Why? Deal with the devil for her teeny-tiny feet and charge accounts? Hmmm…is Eloise a Meal Ticket baby…okay THINKING WAY TOO HARD AGAIN!

Scamper Damper Eloise.

GET TIPPY NANNIE!

GET TIPPY EVERYONE!

Cue Blacklight pouring tequila shots for EVERYONE!

Eloise In Paris

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***You can’t escape it…May 2011 Eloise series backlog post…not even hanging with the Big C in R’lyeh**

Things must be getting hot at The Plaza because everyone’s favorite hell child thing that should not exist in a world hotel dweller Eloise is on her way to Paris!

Or Kay Thompson wanted a reason to write off a trip to Europe.

Or someone had worse pictures than Eloise’s mother, the owner of The Plaza and a farm animal.

Whatever the reason, that happy sigh you heard is everyone at The Plaza knowing they can breathe free, have no guest complaints about a certain so called six year old thing that pretends to be human. The horrid wail you hear is everyone in Paris, me and Blacklight because he is trapped in the apartment by a monster cold while I write this.

Blacklight has second hand Eloise damage. Can we file a lawsuit against the estate of Kay Thompson?

No?

DAMNNNNNNN!!!!

So off to Paris go Eloise, her animals and Nannie. But darn it! They’ve just missed Eloise’s mother.

Am beginning to think Eloise’s mother is a mastermind of pure evil so tricksy that Machiavelli and Lord Vetinari take notes. Instead of the long suffering Plaza Hotel, the Relais Bisson (a real place) becomes the home base of the Eloise party.

And then the name dropping begins in earnest.

Git paid Kay Thompson Git paid!

Very few culture spots in Paris are lucky enough to evade Eloise. Even the House of Dior doesn’t manage that! And they’re the ones who popularized the New Look and the Sack dress!

One of the Dior vendeuses is all “merci NON!” and thisclose to doing a Teen Baby eyeroll at the thought of turning hellchild Eloise into a Dior clad little lady. I love that Dior vendeuse so hard and so bad.

Ain’t gonna happen, so just bill (Eloise: CHARGE IT DUMMY! CHARRRRGE IT!) Mama Eloise and git paid.

But eventually the citizens of Paris must rebel or an act of government is passed because our demon seed Eloise returns to America and her beloved Plaza Hotel (still not connecting with the clever as Mr Fox Mama Eloise).

I wonder if you wander The Plaza today, do the ghosts of the depressed and tormented Plaza staff of yore from Eloise’s reign of terror still haunt the hallowed halls?

Eloise In Moscow

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***Another horror from the May 2011 Eloise draft vaults…READ THIS…IF YOU DARE!***

You have to hand it to Mama Eloise.

Somehow she manages to send her demon spawn daughter to Moscow without a second thought. Heck, Eloise’s grandmother even ships a big old limousine to Moscow for Eloise’s stay. Of course when our precious tot (can’t believe I typed THAT without breaking into gales of laughter) arrives, Mama Eloise is elsewhere.

As I’ve said before, clever bish that Mama Eloise.

Perhaps Mama Eloise is hoping her tiny tot will be sent to a gulag. Eloise and Nannie and stupid dog (can’t remember name, don’t feel like looking it up, don’t EVEN WANT to open that book again EVER!), roam about Moscow, see the sights, annoying their spy/guide and causing the usual Eloise mischief. There’s some spy sub-plotline but seriously if ELOISE DOES NOT GET SENT TO A GULAG WHO CARES!?!?!?!

And so help me Deity of Your Choice…there’s one more Eloise book!

Heavens have mercy on me!

Eloise Takes A Bawth

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***The horror and the terror that is…an Eloise May 2011 backlog post…read if you DARE!***

Want to see Blacklight run faster than a cheetah or jaguar or gazelle?

Try screaming “Oh…please FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY HOLD HER DOWN! DO IT DO IT DO IT! You’ll get off with JUSTIFIED HOMICIDE! You’ll get a medal from the Mayor!”

Some books are just so awful you have to wait until the author dies and their estate decides to cash in go into the archives/trunks for the unpublished crap/things that should never see the light of day goodies to please the rabid fandom. I know of what I speak, remember I am a Lovecraft fan girl. I’ve read The Mound for heaven’s sake. AND Medusa’s Coil (hold me!).

For the Eloise fandom, the elusive unpublished manuscript was Eloise Takes A Bawth or as it’s become known in Casa Mr and Mrs Blacklight as The Estate of Kay Thompson Grape Sodas Your Wallet and Memories AND I Mean Grape Sodas It HARD!!!!

Nannie has decreed Eloise has to take a bath because the manager of The Plaza is coming to tea. I refuse to type BAWTH any more than absolutely necessary. Eloise scamper dampers off to the bathroom. If Nannie was a decent person she would creep into that BAWTHROOM and HOLD ELOISE DOWN IN THE BAWTH. But that would be a very very short book. Heck, not even a book, a mere flyer.

Meanwhile the manager is freaking out over a Venetian ball and there are horrible leaks everywhere. Management freaks. Guests freak. Well, all the guests except one certain hell spawn guest whose busy flooding her bathroom while having wonderful adventures. Sadly ONCE AGAIN, Nannie does not take this golden opportunity to rid the world of Eloise. Think about it. It would be so simple. She stepped away for the tiniest minute and the child just drowned. Stupid stupid stupid Nannie. Think of the payoff you could have gotten from Mama Eloise…

Delightful phantasies (the ones with a PH are the best!) aside, things aren’t looking good for The Plaza. Nannie opens the bathroom door (finally! Do it Nannie DO IT!) and out comes Eloise and a tidal wave that knocks Nannie over. The Manager HAS HAD IT! He is MAD!

Might Eloise be facing her final moments!???!??! (oh please oh please oh please).

NO!

Eloise flooding the hotel has made the Venetian Ball BEYOND AWESOME SAUCE! And the little bish has the nerve to tell the Manager to charge the damages to her account.

Golly, I hope Eloise’s daddy or stepdaddy or who ever is responsible for half her DNA is rich because The Manager is saying there’s five million dollars in damage. To my eyes, either Serve Pro or who ever those damage repair specialists are will make a mint or Te Plaza is a tear down.

Either way. ELOISE NEEDS TO PAY. IN BLOOD!

And if the merciful heavens are kind, the estate of Kay Thompson doesn’t have another abomination  unpublished manuscript in their hands. I don’t think my nerves (and Blacklight’s) can take another Eloise adventure…