True story.

Saturday afternoon. Blacklight is awake and doing everything but getting ready to go to Seasons Beatings. I’m on Mr Couch trying to take a quick nap because it’s been and will be a very long day still.

Me: “It’s almost 4pm…we’re leaving to get Romero in 45 minutes…go get pretty!”

Blacklight: <wandering over towards the dining room table> “There’s plenty of time…hey…Packing for Mars? YOU HAVE A SCIENCE BOOK? No way!”

Me: “Bleep you! I read science books. And I was listening to a podcast about the space elevator this morning! GO GET PRETTY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!”

It’s so much fun being married to an ADD NASA nerd, especially one who whimpers that I if do get rid of cable how can he watch NASA TV and would go live on the International Space Station in a heartbeat…<rolls eyes> and wakes you up to to tell you about tidbits from his science books when you need to get some sleep so you will not a zombie at work. And buys every space book he can get his hands on at the library sales. And has a framed LIFE magazine about the moon landing in his room. And spends hours and hours playing Orbiter. And makes you watch 2001 and 2010 and acts like you’ve murdered a basket of kittens when you fall asleep five minutes into the movie…

But back to the book. After months of waiting I was able to get my hands on a library copy of Mary Roach’s Packing for Mars. Yes I DO know there are these wonderful things call BOOKSTORES but there are also these things called BILLS which you need to pay every month or you don’t have things like lights, heat and a phone….

Now even though reading about NASA is ohh….right above reading one of Stephen R. Donaldson’s books, Packing for Mars drew me right in. First, Mary Roach takes you right along with her as she delves into her subject du jour. It’s like you’re right with her as she tries to visit the astronauts and almost doesn’t get to go on the zero gravity flight. And an appearance on NPR’s Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me and an interview on the Stuff T0 Blow Your Mind podcast certainly helped.

In the space of a few chapters you learn about the change from the swinging dick bad boy astronauts to the calm, collected scientist astronauts. You’ll find out what it’s like to go through the interview/screening process for different countries. (fun fact: jiggling your leg is a big ole red flag. Note to self: if ever being considered for astronaut duty jiggle leg constantly!). Ever wonder how the astronauts learn how to function in their space suits? Full spacesuit gear in a huge pool? What it’s like to be in zero gravity? Your upper body will retain fluid but your lower body will look lean and mean. Wondered if there was any zero-gravity porn? Yes and no. Wonder what being in space does to the human body? What NASA and NASCAR have in common (think driver seat) Or about what happens to the animals used in the 1950s/1960s? Astrochimp Ham is buried at the International Space Hall of Fame.

Then came the chapters on what’s it’s like to really be in space. I’m talking hygiene, clothes and food. You DO NOT WANT TO BE EATING BROWNIES READING THESE CHAPTERS.

Based on the space food packets my father bought the very small Tichy and I at the different air and space museums back in the day I figured that space food was nasty. But I had no idea just how nasty. Mmm…toast with a gel coating! And I just hope that a certain astronauts was joking about the white and black food tubes from ages ago.

And just reading about how what it was like for Jim Lovell and Frank Boreman wearing the same space suit and underwear for the entire Gemini VII mission had me squirming on Mr Couch wanting to race into the bathroom…and I had just taken a shower! And Ralph Harvey talking about taking a shower and watching the whole end cap of his finger come off (accumulated skin from not bathing)? Push away the potato chips! And you know I love my potato chips.

I am not even going to talk about the whole space toilet thing. EMOTIONAL SCAR. There are bags involved.And things can freeze and float in the air….oh my frosted pop tart…just trust me on the emotional scar thing!

There is one thing for sure. I’ll scoop up Mary Roach’s next book in a heartbeat. And if Blacklight ever gets to go to space he’s doing it alone…because the only way I’m going to the International Space Station is duct taped/drugged out of my mind/under duress!