Category: Blacklight

Edith & Mr Bear

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***Don’t be scared…okay…it’s The Lonely Doll, so BE SCARED May 2011 post backlog***

It’s The Lonely Doll Time!

Or as Blacklight calls it “Creepy Doll and The Bears Time!”.

Creepy Doll Edith and Little Bear are waiting for Mr Bear to get home from a trip.

(Blacklight: “Mr Bear? A trip where? San Francisco?”).

Mr Bear comes home with presents, GO MR BEAR GO! Little Brat Little Bear gets a sailboat. Creepy Doll Edith gets a purty long party dress! Mr Bear gets a clock

(Blacklight: “What?!?!?” Me: “C-L-O-C-K” Blacklight (disappointed): “Ohhh”).

Now will Mr Bear’s clock get busted?  Duh.  Will Creepy Doll Edith lie about breaking the clock? (It was an accident, but still!). Yup.

Creepy Doll  Edith runs away and almost decides to sneak on a ship and go away for ever and a day. Sadly she changes her mind, goes back home, confesses to Mr Bear and promises to be good.

Yeah right and Blacklight never never ever sneaks out to Dunkee Cup when I’m at work and chugs down an extra large iced coffee with a veggie flatbread sandwich. I must hallucinate the Dunkee Cup bag in the trash at least three times a week! Or I REALLY REALLY REALLY need new glasses ASAP!

There are good points about Edith & Mr Bear.

(Blacklight: “No way! Hey’s there’s a cute little kitty…awwww…kitty kitty kitty”).

If you know about Dare Wright (pick up Jean Nathan’s The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll), you’ll know she shot the bulk of the photos in her own apartment and stitched every inch of Edith’s clothes herself. Dare also has a certain way with light, shadows and scale that make Edith seem almost human in some shots.

(Blacklight (rocking back and forth): “Creepy Doll! Creepy Doll!”).

All in all, Edith learns a lesson, there IS a cute little kitty and I can tell myself “Edith and the Bears are probably locked in a box somewhere right?”.

The Lonely Doll

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***The Lonely May 2011 blog posts backlog***

Blacklight (peering over my shoulder): “Why can you see that doll’s underwear? Is it that some kind of thing?”

Me: “Go away reading”

Blacklight: “And why are you reading a kid’s book? Aren’t you like mumblemumblethirtysomethingmumblemumble?”

Me: “Go AWAY”

Ah, the joys of trying to read something for your literary blog when your husband is bored of playing Orbiter.

But he did have a point. What is exactly is up with all the panty shots in The Lonely Doll?  I know darn well thanks to Jean Nathan’s The Secret Life of The Lonely Doll, that the author Dare Wright could sew anything, so why make Edith the Lonely Doll’s dress so damn short?

I don’t want to see panties.

If I did want to see panties I have a WHOLE DAMNABLE DRAWER OF THEM!

Okay, rant done.

The Lonely Doll, aka Edith aka The Creepy Doll (TM Blacklight) lives all by herself in a glam apartment. Sounds good to me!

But Edith wants friends. One day two bears show up and tell her they are there to be her friends. Edith is all “YIPPEE”. I’m all “okay????”. Everything is all jolly and wonderful until one day when Mr Bear (the bigger bear, he’s basically the Dad) leaves Edith and Little Brat Little Bear alone. They find a dressing room of glamorous things and try them on. Then Mr Bear comes home, finds the mess and spanks the snot out of them.

Lessons are learned. I think Dare Wright has lifetime subscriptions. Blacklight thinks Edith is EVILZ.

And both of us want to stick Little Brat Little Bear in closet, lock it and through away the key.Small children might see The Lonely Doll differently but I’m not about to track it down and buy it for the little nieces.

A Gift from The Lonely Doll

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***And you thought the Eloise series was….INTERESTING….behold…THE LONELY DOLL May 2011 backlog posts!***

Another Lonely Doll book!

Another bazillion dead brain cells!

It’s Christmas time!

And just how do Lonely Dolls and Bears who appear to live in a luxury apartment in New York City celebrate Christmas?

Why they go out to the country!

To visit Mr Bear’s cousins!

(Blacklight: “Sure….Mr Bear’s cousins…”)

But Edith wants to make sure Mr Bear has a very special Christmas! So she decides to make a present! She’s going to knit Mr Bear a scarf!

Cue Blacklight and Little Brat Little Bear “sure….”.

So Edith knits and knits and knits. She even smuggles the scarf to THE COUNTRY and knits some more. And what does Mr Bear open on Christmas Day? The world’s biggest striped scarf! Little Brat Little Bear is quick to point out the flaws in the scarf (too long, holes, dropped stitches).

Edith cries. I would have wrapped Little Bear up in the scarf, poured a pot of honey on him and left him in the woods. Edith is the nicer person. Edith also gets a brilliant idea (no, NOT THE HONEY ONE).

By story’s end all three Big Bears (cue Blacklight cackling madly) are wearing a scarf each…AWWWWWWW….and Little Bear lives another day (DANG IT!).

If I was stuck in an elevator with only one kiddie Christmas book to read and the choices where A Gift from The Lonely Doll  or Eloise at Christmastime, I’ll take the Lonely Doll. The elevator shafts are well too maintained at The Plaza to realize my Christmas miracle wish of Eloise in free fall.

And I can always dream of Little Bear getting lost in the woods…

Eloise at Christmastime

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***Holiday Horrors…another May 2011 Eloise series backlog post…READ THIS…IF YOU DARE!***

Who would think a children’s book (I know, I know, Kay Thompson never considered Eloise a children’s book but can you find it in the adult section? NO!) would send me into a screaming rage full of burning questions?

Just who in the name of all that is good and holy are Eloise’s parents canoodling with for management to allow this little monster thing from the depths of hell to stay at their hotel? Don’t other guests complain? Does Eloise’s mother have pictures of herself, the owner of The Plaza and a farm animal?

Because trust me, Eloise is a total brat from hell. Imagine the sheer torture of working there as some little monster races through? Having to smile and be all “oh that’s just Eloise” because you need the job THAT BADLY?

Blacklight: “Honey, aren’t you reading this book a little too deeply?”

Okay, okay, okay. Bottle the rage. Bottle it bottle it bottle it.

It’s Christmas time and Eloise is scampering dampering around The Plaza spreading pure evil Christmas Cheer a la Eloise! There’s presents for everyone! (Golly! No Eloise goes to boarding school until she’s 21? Because THAT WOULD THE MOST AWESOME PRESENT EVER).

Scamper Damper Eloise, Scamper Damper.

Do you have some Advil for me?

No?

FROSTED POP TART!

Eloise’s mother has the sense of mind to be far far far away from The Plaza. Smart woman! Then again she did spawn Eloise. Why? Deal with the devil for her teeny-tiny feet and charge accounts? Hmmm…is Eloise a Meal Ticket baby…okay THINKING WAY TOO HARD AGAIN!

Scamper Damper Eloise.

GET TIPPY NANNIE!

GET TIPPY EVERYONE!

Cue Blacklight pouring tequila shots for EVERYONE!

Miss Pym Disposes

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***May 2011 backlog post***

In an earlier post, I mentioned I’m really not a mystery reader. Now this could just be one of those psychosomatic things like a violent reaction to years of living in S-bury, Land of the Retirement Housing Developments For Rich People and every time you walked by the Mystery section of the library your eyes watered from the smell of old lady and cigarettes because this was the 1980s and all the old ladies in Fancy Retirement Housing Development had been smoking since a certain former First Lady was their classmate as Posh Girls School/Posh Girls College.  True story that!

So you can understand why the only reason I know about most mystery writers is from refilling the mystery section or working the cashwrap at Barnes & Noble or Borders. as a younger Gwen. Sorry all you Patricia Cornwall and James Patterson and Janet Evanovich and Sue Grafton and INSERT MYSTERY AUTHOR NAME HERE fans!

But I’m not a total savage. Remember, I really like Ruth Rendell writing as Barbara Vine and Kate Atkinson! And now I can add Josephine Tey to the list of Mystery Authors I Like. See, I had heard of Josephine Tey but feared she might rather Agatha Christie or too twee for words. Yes, I ACTUALLY USE WORDS LIKE TWEE ON A REGULAR BASIS!

So I approached Miss Pym Disposes warily. Pluses: English writer, boarding school, hazy 1930s/1940s time frame. Minuses: could be twee as all frosted pop tart, could be all Preachy, might not be able to wrap head around hazy 1930s/1940s time frame.

But Miss Pym Disposes didn’t disappoint. Miss Pym, French teacher turned best selling psychology author does a favor for one of her old school mates. Said old school mate saved the young Miss Pym from teasing over her government first name. Grownup Miss Pym is still grateful to old school chum years later. Said friend asks Miss Pym to give a guest lecture at the college old schoolmate runs.

The lecture goes well but Miss Pym doesn’t have the most pleasant first impression of the college. Old School Chum’s college trains physical therapists, masseuses, dance teachers and the like. Not the place if you like a cozy reading in bed and cups of tea. The students are lean mean physical culture machines. <shudders>

But the students adore Miss Pym and against her better judgment,  Miss Pym decides to stay for a visit and help one of the teachers with a schedule conflict. And thus seals someone’s doom. Because let’s face it, you can’t have a rip-roaring good mystery without something shocking, something sneaky AND high teas with clotted cream. Okay okay okay, you can all you American mystery fans but remember, I haven’t drank the grape Flavor Aid of the Cornwall/Patterson/Evanovich/Grafton school and I ain’t gonna anytime soon.

Things happen. There are twists and turns. Total awesome sauce. Will hunt down more Josephine Tey in a heartbeat and would even <cue pearl clutching> BUY THEM FROM AMAZON!(I know…my cheap rump roast PAYING retail for books!) And like any good English mystery, my tiny brain follows along, makes guesses and wishes Josephine Tey was around to ask questions. Because I am totally convinced Edward Adrian is Catherine Lux’s baby daddy. Little sister born when Catherine Lux was a teenager my foot!

Blacklight: “You watch WAY TOO MUCH MAURY POVICH!”.

Whatever, Blacklight, whatever. Shouldn’t you be reading Stephen R. Donaldson or watching some awful movie from the 1960s or reading Dungeons & Dragons game guides versus reading my blog?

Helene Hanff: Underfoot in Show Business

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For every big star or even middling star there’s hundreds of people clinging to a slight handhold in show business. Underfoot in Show Business is the story of one of the faceless ones, a mousy little playwright from Philadelphia named Helene Hanff. Now if you’re a certain kind of reader (the spouse: “Angophile NERD! Like you!” Me: death stare from Mr Couch), Helene Hanff is the author of the charming 84, Charing Cross Road.

But between letters to Marks & Co., Helene lived in hall bedrooms and tiny studio apartments, writing plays that lurked in the depths of agents Dead Files, working as an outside studio reader and writing television scripts never quite living up to her initial Big Break.

And what was that pre-84, Charing Cross Road Big Break? A very young Helene Hanff entered the Bureau of New Plays contests. The prize? Two $1,500 fellowships and the guiding hand of the Theatre Guild. And at a stroke of fate, Helene went from passionate theater goer to being a member of the theater itself along the way collecting her lifelong friend/actress Maxine and the seeds of 84, Charing Cross Road.

Even though she never becomes a wild success like the previous fellowship winners Tennessee Williams and Arthur Miller, she manages to secure a foothold and never gives up her dreams of becoming a playwright.

This book isn’t targeted to readers like my spouse or brother. Trust me there are plenty of books out there for the pair of them. It’s a book for the theater geeks, the early television geeks and the Helene Hanff fanboys/fangirls. It is a charming look at the last great days of the theater and movies before television took over. If you’re that certain type of reader, then hunt down Underfoot in Show Business. The inter-library loan (my book budget is very modest) is worth it.

Blast From The Past: Lucky

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What’s next for the Santangelo clan now that Lucky’s avenged her father and the slain Dario and Marco? Well, if you think Gino the Ram is going to shuffle off to The Villages and play canasta while waiting for the Early Bird dinner or that Lucky’s going to renounce men and Marvin Gaye records you’re a) insane or b) Blacklight. Actually Blacklight would be all “What? Lucky who? Papa Gino’s pizza? Huh?”

Luckily…heeheehee…Jackie Collins doesn’t leave us hanging. Because Lucky, the next book in the Santangelo saga named after everyone’s favorite feline dusky beauty is a peach! Gino the Ram gets ensnared in the gold digging claws of Susan Martino (widow of the comedian Tiny Martino who loved to lose his salary at the Mirage tables in Chances). If Dlisted.com had existed back in the 1980s Susan Would have been Hot Slut of the Day AND in the Gold Diggers Hall of Fame. Because girl brings a wheelbarrow AND shovel.

Think Miss Lucky DOES NOT LIKE THIS? Do I have a Starbucks addiction? Is Stephen Thompson (creator of The Onion’s AV Club, Pop Culture Happy Hour panelist and raised by nerds) my secret, don’t tell Blacklight NPR boyfriend? (Blacklight: “Umm…it’s NOT A SECRET! Wait…he’s the one with the vintage video games and from The Onion? Cool….”).

Yeah…so Lucky isn’t a happy camper. Then again, neither is the sexy, dirty blond comedian Lenny Golden. He’s got girl trouble, career trouble and can’t seem to get a sexy, feline like beauty out of his head. And also at the life kinda sucks table is Lucky’s old school friend Olympia (think Christina Onassis). Being a pretty Greek heiress with huge bewbs and millions upon millions might buy you all the coke in the world and get you laid but it can’t buy you skinny.

In best Jackie Collins fashion, there are, scandals, drugs and love triangles galore! Love triangles off the top of my head: Gino/Susan/Paige. Susan/Gino/Money. Lucky/Lennie/Marco’s ghost. Lucky/Olympia’s dad/Lennie. Lennie/Lucky/Olympia. Lucky/Olympia’s dad/Francesca. Olympia/coke/food.

Will Lucky end up with Lennie? Will Olympia and Flash (think Zombie Keith Richards) make it? Will Gino learn Susan is a stone cold GOLD DIGGA? Will Paige keep her legs shut? Will Gino and Lucky reconcile? Will Lucky go to jail for a murder she didn’t commit?

Rest assured everyone bad gets theirs. Lives are changed. Marvin Gaye is grooved to. Drugs are snorted. The booze flows. It’s not Shakespeare. What Lucky is like any good Jackie Collins novel is an escape into a glittering world written by someone who has actually been on a private plane or three and partied with the high and mighty and the people on the slide. You can sit back on Mr Couch and think “wow, I’m glad I’m not Olympia. Or my husband might not be world famous but at least he’s not a junkie monkey like old Flash there…” If you need an escape or just want to reveal in the 1980s goodness Lucky is a helluva time machine!

The Hollywood Book of Love

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Either Blacklight is total genius or had a moment of blinding clarity from the gods. What else would prompt an”Oh God, you’re going to watch tons of stupid old movies with your dead boyfriends right?” as he poked through the stack of library books spread on the dining room table? I swear I know NOTHING about none Vincent Prices and Basil Rathbone movies in my Netflix queue…nothing! Someone must have hacked my Netflix account and put Blacklight’s longed for Eagle Eye at the very bottom of the DVD queue!

Don’t believe me? Neither did Blacklight gosh darn it! (Eagle Eye is back to the next DVD on the queue after I return Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown!) Now given Valentine’s Day is breathing down our necks, chances I would have decided to watch say….Leave Her to Heaven or Robin Hood (the Errol Flynn version of course!) were good. It didn’t take James Robert Parish’s The Hollywood Book of Love: An Irreverent Guide To The Films That Raised Our Romantic Expectations to push me over the edge.But it sure eased the path! 🙂

Divided into categories (The Lure of Bad Boys, Till Death Do Us Part, Young Love, etc) Parish cherry picks movies from the 1930s to 2003 giving a brief synopsis, a few stills and a nibble or two of gossip. Not everything is say Gone With The Wind or Camille or ughhhhh Pretty Woman or double ugghhhh Sleepless in Seattle. There’s a few clunkers in the bunch (hello The Sandpiper!).

If you already love classic Hollywood movies, chances are you’ve seen the bulk of the films Parish selected. But sometimes re-watching an old favorite can give you new perspective. Or you might discovered a new favorite in the making. Either way, The Hollywood Book of Love is worth a read, even when you’re the girl who turns her husband during a Kay’s commercial and says “if you waste your money on that crap you’re a dead man!”…

Mary Roach’s PACKING FOR MARS…Blacklight is Going Alone!

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True story.

Saturday afternoon. Blacklight is awake and doing everything but getting ready to go to Seasons Beatings. I’m on Mr Couch trying to take a quick nap because it’s been and will be a very long day still.

Me: “It’s almost 4pm…we’re leaving to get Romero in 45 minutes…go get pretty!”

Blacklight: <wandering over towards the dining room table> “There’s plenty of time…hey…Packing for Mars? YOU HAVE A SCIENCE BOOK? No way!”

Me: “Bleep you! I read science books. And I was listening to a podcast about the space elevator this morning! GO GET PRETTY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!”

It’s so much fun being married to an ADD NASA nerd, especially one who whimpers that I if do get rid of cable how can he watch NASA TV and would go live on the International Space Station in a heartbeat…<rolls eyes> and wakes you up to to tell you about tidbits from his science books when you need to get some sleep so you will not a zombie at work. And buys every space book he can get his hands on at the library sales. And has a framed LIFE magazine about the moon landing in his room. And spends hours and hours playing Orbiter. And makes you watch 2001 and 2010 and acts like you’ve murdered a basket of kittens when you fall asleep five minutes into the movie…

But back to the book. After months of waiting I was able to get my hands on a library copy of Mary Roach’s Packing for Mars. Yes I DO know there are these wonderful things call BOOKSTORES but there are also these things called BILLS which you need to pay every month or you don’t have things like lights, heat and a phone….

Now even though reading about NASA is ohh….right above reading one of Stephen R. Donaldson’s books, Packing for Mars drew me right in. First, Mary Roach takes you right along with her as she delves into her subject du jour. It’s like you’re right with her as she tries to visit the astronauts and almost doesn’t get to go on the zero gravity flight. And an appearance on NPR’s Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me and an interview on the Stuff T0 Blow Your Mind podcast certainly helped.

In the space of a few chapters you learn about the change from the swinging dick bad boy astronauts to the calm, collected scientist astronauts. You’ll find out what it’s like to go through the interview/screening process for different countries. (fun fact: jiggling your leg is a big ole red flag. Note to self: if ever being considered for astronaut duty jiggle leg constantly!). Ever wonder how the astronauts learn how to function in their space suits? Full spacesuit gear in a huge pool? What it’s like to be in zero gravity? Your upper body will retain fluid but your lower body will look lean and mean. Wondered if there was any zero-gravity porn? Yes and no. Wonder what being in space does to the human body? What NASA and NASCAR have in common (think driver seat) Or about what happens to the animals used in the 1950s/1960s? Astrochimp Ham is buried at the International Space Hall of Fame.

Then came the chapters on what’s it’s like to really be in space. I’m talking hygiene, clothes and food. You DO NOT WANT TO BE EATING BROWNIES READING THESE CHAPTERS.

Based on the space food packets my father bought the very small Tichy and I at the different air and space museums back in the day I figured that space food was nasty. But I had no idea just how nasty. Mmm…toast with a gel coating! And I just hope that a certain astronauts was joking about the white and black food tubes from ages ago.

And just reading about how what it was like for Jim Lovell and Frank Boreman wearing the same space suit and underwear for the entire Gemini VII mission had me squirming on Mr Couch wanting to race into the bathroom…and I had just taken a shower! And Ralph Harvey talking about taking a shower and watching the whole end cap of his finger come off (accumulated skin from not bathing)? Push away the potato chips! And you know I love my potato chips.

I am not even going to talk about the whole space toilet thing. EMOTIONAL SCAR. There are bags involved.And things can freeze and float in the air….oh my frosted pop tart…just trust me on the emotional scar thing!

There is one thing for sure. I’ll scoop up Mary Roach’s next book in a heartbeat. And if Blacklight ever gets to go to space he’s doing it alone…because the only way I’m going to the International Space Station is duct taped/drugged out of my mind/under duress!

Library Raid! Plainville Public Library

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This morning’s errands: pay Comcast bill, pick up the decorations for Saturday’s holiday, raid the Plainville Library. Okay, so maybe not raid, but I did want to pick up a Christmas CD and a few books I just could not wait to have sent to me via inter library loan. Head still reeling from the prices at one of my favorite used bookstores ($5 for the Dover edition of my beloved Lovecraft’s Supernatural Horror in Literature? I think NOT!) I pulled into the Plainville Public Library with “Christmas CD! Meaning of Sunglasses! CHRISTMAS CD!” running through my head.

As I was checking out the new nonfiction, I noticed a librarian giving a tour to a group of adults detailing the who/whats/wheres of checking out books and your library card. And then something the librarian said triggering something in my brain. The librarian was telling the group how their library records of what books they’ve checked out is kept completely private. If I’m not mistaken, the Plainville Public Library was part of Library Connection v. Gonzales (http://www.aclu.org/national-security/librarians-nsl-challenge).

The library tour group went downstairs to explore the children’s department and I found a Christmas CD that hopefully will not make Blacklight and our guests roll their eyes too badly. And then my library bag, which just had a CD and a single book into began to scream for mercy…

The books:

  • Echoes Maeve Binchy
  • 101 Places NOT To See Catherine Price
  • Mildred Pierce James M. Cain
  • The Thoughtful Dresser Linda Grant
  • Shelf Discovery Lizzie Skurnick
  • At Large Anne Fadiman
  • Snark David Denby
  • Yeah, I Said It Wanda Sykes
  • A Guide to Elegance Genevieve Antoine Dariaux
  • Scroogenomics Joel Waldfogel
  • The Big Book of Irony Jon Winkour
  • A La Cart Hilary Carlip
  • My Mother’s Wedding Dress Justine Picardie
  • The Meaning of Sunglasses Hadley Freeman
  • I Like You Amy Sedaris
  • Wigfield Amy Sedaris, Paul Dinello & Stephen Colbert