In my head, Cintra Wilson is like Amanda (Mrs Neil Gaiman) Palmer. Both have the power to make me curl into a ball, knowing they’re going to stomp through my miserable little life and mock everything in it. Call them Hipper Than Thou. But I must like abuse because I requested Cintra Wilson’s Colors Insulting to Nature via inter-library loan and re-read it in a white hot heat.

Colors Insulting to Nature tells the life and times of one Liza (birth name Elizabeth) Normal, who wants to a STAR (yes STAR needs to be in ALL CAPS!). Have you even seen the movie Beaches? If so, do you remember the bit where the heroines meet as children and the young Bette Milder character is old before her time yet a child? And if you’re not ancient like me, have you seen oh….a four year old dropping it like it’s hot in a stripperette costume on Toddlers & Tiaras?  That’s the young Liza.

Maybe it’s partly the fault of her former showgirl mother Peppy who decides to take the last of her divorce settlement and open a dinner theater. Weirdness ensues. Liza becomes a runaway punk. More weirdness ensues. Liza becomes an underground hit as Venal De Minus. Extreme weirdness ensues.

If you’re Blacklight, STAY AWAY FROM THIS BOOK. If you’re the Dadster, STAY AWAY FROM THIS BOOK. Pretty please?. If you loved Winter Steele on MTV’s Liquid Television, have a zillion tats, like to shop in thrift shops, watch RuPaul’s Drag Race and Toddlers and Tiaras religiously and can pass as a Brooklyn hipster than by all means read Colors Insulting to Nature. Me? I’m going to curl up on Mr Couch with with Mr Laptop and Monster Quest…