She Didn’t Write That…

I’m on vacation and when I’m not zipping along the highway headed to used bookstores (do I dare make a third trip to Book Barn this week?), I’ve been curled up on Mr Couch with books trying to savor them like the pound of Lindt almond truffles I bought at the Clinton Crossing Premium Outlets vs inhaling them whole like the box of Junior Mints on my nightstand. And as I re-read Barbara Seaman’s Lovely Me: The Life of Jacqueline Susann, Judy Oppenheimer’s Private Demons: The Life of Shirley Jackson and Emily Toth’s Inside Peyton Place: The Life of Grace Metalious, all three controversial authors had something in common besides stirring up hornets nest of discontent and scandal. There was always a vicious rumor “She didn’t write that book/story…so and so did”.

Think this is one of my Crazy Literary Theories (TM)? Sadly, no. Even when Valley of the Dolls was selling so many copies an entire edition was printed with whatever paper was lying around the printing plant (believe it’s unofficially called the layer cake edition by collectors) people swore up and down her editor wrote the whole darn thing. Grace Metalious spent hours sitting at her typewriter, weaving bits of her own life and stories from small town New Hampshire to create Peyton Place (working title The Tree and the Blossom) but rumor had it her husband George or George and Grace’s dear friend Laurie Wilkins actually wrote the book. Some gossips claim Stanley Edgar Hyman wrote his wife Shirley Jackson’s chilling story The Lottery.

Now why were people so reluctant to give these three ladies credit for their creations? Was it the nature of the work itself? A look at humanity (The Lottery), pulling back the facade of a small town (Peyton Place), the raw gossip and sex (Valley of the Dolls)? The fact all three authors, married mothers, could shuck the bonds of house and home and devote themselves to writing..like a man? None of the three were known for their housekeeping and Jacqueline Susann adored living in a residential hotel and not having to cook or clean. There is one point in Lovely Me where the Susann refrigerator is pretty much bare beyond some bitters and suppositories. And Jacqueline’s main concern? That hubby Irving used one of her suppositories vs the almost empty refrigerator. Who needs to whip up a meal when there’s Room Service and amazing restaurants all around you? And at their primes Shirley, Grace and Jacqueline could most likely drink any man under the table. The then perception women just aren’t smart or clever enough t0 do anything besides cooking and cleaning and having babies? Granted only Shirley Jackson achieved a higher level of education and even that was a struggle but Jackson, Metalious and Susann, for all the challenges education brought were not dummies. And yes, you could argue Peyton Place and Valley of the Dolls needed heavy editing but you know what? Stephen King needs heavy editing and no one says anyone but him wrote his books.

How often does this “She didn’t write that book/story…so and so did” still occur today? Has anyone looked at a Tabitha King novel (she’s a terrific author who just happens to have passed her talent along to her son Joe Hill) and think “Oh Stephen/Joe/Owen must have written it?”. Does…ugghh and it hurts me to type this given how much I loathe this particular author…does J.K. Rowling have people thinking her husbands were responsible for the Harry Potter juggernaut? Then again it wasn’t just Shirley Jackson, Grace Metalious and Jacqueline Susann who had their authorship disputed. There are people out there today who firmly believe Branwell Bronte was the real author behind his three sisters masterpieces…

 

The World is Full of Married Men

No, that’s NOT what Blacklight says to me when I’m jumping up and down on Mr Couch shrieking like a mad thing because my movie boyfriends Colin Firth and Christian Bale are now Academy Award winners. For that little stunt, Blacklight muttered something about “married” and “who cares” and “not in a million years”. Whatever…

However, Blacklight’s meanness aside, The World is Full of Married Men! Well, at least that’s what the late 1980s reissue of Jackie Collins first novel proclaims. Remember this is out feline goddess taking her first baby steps as a big bad writer. It’s 1968 and the Jackie rocking the book charts is Susann not Collins. The Santangelo clan is light years away. What we have is a morsel of a novel, all big print and simple themes. Married men aren’t faithful, Even the best wife can stray and girls called Claudia are sluts! And girls called Shirley…well, can you say ho-ho-ho children?

Our tale starts off with a bang…well the first paragraph is “When I was fifteen I was amazing, absolutely amazing! Dear Mummy was terrified to let me out on my own; she felt I was bound to come home pregnant, or something silly like that.” The actual banging is a few pages away. Our amazing girl? One Miss Claudia Parker, possible face of Beauty Maid soap. Will she get the job? Will she boink the ad agency guy David until he begs for mercy? This is a Jackie Collins novel what do you think? Honestly…

While David is romping with the luscious and loose Claudia, his wife Linda is going through her own adventures. The perfect wife and mother has an affair with a younger man which goes so very wrong. And then she catches David with our Beauty Maid Claudia on a terrace. And the next thing you know, change the locks and D-I-V-O-R-C-E (side note: had to sing the Tammy Wynette song to myself to make sure I spelled that particular word correctly).

Does David notice or care? Hard to tell because he’s living a glamorous life with Claudia in a penthouse. Only Claudia has more on her plate than David, she wants more including a film career and will do anything to get it. David gets tired of the parties and leaves. Claudia stays on the ho stroll. David boinks his very plain secretary. David and Linda’s divorce goes through. Linda starts seeing an old friend of David’s. Claudia’s ho stroll takes a dangerous turn while Linda finds happiness and David finds himself trapped in a web of his own making.

It’s a quick read. People get theirs. Secrets are revealed (pssst Claudia’s done PORN! I know, clutch the pearls child! Blacklight “You might wanna cut back on the RuPaul Drag Race thing a little honey! NEVER I SAY NEVER! Team Raja 4EVER!). There’s no roman a clef. it’s a a tale that can play out anywhere at any time. Cheating husband, neglected wife, slutty side piece, secretary in love with her boss. For a first effort it’s not too bad and compared to certain later works…a gem! How many best selling novels from 43 years ago can you say THAT about?

Put on the Pucci & Take A Gulp of Champagne

***This was originally posted on the Confessions blog***

Have you ever snapped up a shiny book for the beach or a plane trip? Something with gorgeous people doing scandalous things? Maybe a Jackie Collins novel? Maybe a Judith Krantz novel? And thought to yourself: Venus Maria is Madonna? Crystal Anderson is Joan Collins? Al King is Tom Jones? Those examples? Pulled straight from my head.

Back in the 1960s & 1970s you would have been reading Valley of the Dolls, The Love Machine and Once is Not Enough. And just who was the author who seemed to know all the secrets and was the first person to put three books back to back #1 on the New York Times Best Seller list? The person who for many years was listed in the Guinness Book of Records with the best selling fiction book of all time? Ladies and gentlemen, Jacqueline Susann.

Once in an interview Jackie Collins said she learned about the other side of Hollywood by befriending and listening to people. Jacqueline Susann knew about the dark side of fame by living it. Leaving your family to try your luck in New York City? She did it. Getting fired from a desired role? Ditto. Behind the scenes of early television shows? Yup. Putting a family member into a institution? Yes. Along with those pieces of herself, she put pieces of the world around her. The friend who died tragically too young of cancer as Amanda. Another friend, a lovely blonde dead by her own hand as Jennifer. And yes, a certain eternal star as her nothing can hold her back Neely O’Hara.

But Jacqueline Susann was more than the failed actress, turned party girl, turned local television celebrity turned roman a clef author. She loved scifi, fantasy, the weird. What else can explain the last pages of Once is Not Enough, when our heroine January has an strange encounter on the beach? Her last book, the posthumous Yargo is a fantastic voyage to another world. I have this image of a teenage Jacqueline, hair done up in rag curlers, face creamed and curling up in bed with an issue of Weird Tales. Did she ever flop back on the pillows and wonder what it was like to write those things? Did she imagine herself on John Carter’s Mars or reading forbidden things in decaying leather volumes in a Dunwich farmhouse? Is there a fan letter in some uncovered archive to the Old Gentleman of Providence himself?

Curious? Take the time to go to your local bookstore or library. The scandalous doings of Valley of the Dolls, The Love Machine, and Once is Not Enough might not be your thing. But her charming tale of life with a poodle Every Night Josephine might do the trick. Perhaps Barbara Seaman’s compelling biography Lovely Me? Jacqueline Susann deserves so much more than a poorly cast bio-pic and her books moldering on used book stores shelves…
Jacqueline Susann