True story. I’m a brand spanking new freshman. And of course I’m haunting the library every day. I find The Plains of Passage on the New Fiction shelves and almost trip over my damn feet racing to the circulation desk to check it out. That was mumblemumbletwentyyearsagomumblemumble. Now I’m not so sure I’m going to be racing to the circulation desk when the N library gets the final Earth’s Children book. Don’t get me wrong. I know Jean Auel researches her books like a melon farmer (see I don’t curse all the frosted pop tart time!). But if I do linger by the AU fiction shelves at the library, I’m not scooping every Jean Auel book into my bag. First, them books weigh a TON! And second, Ayla, our fair heroine Cro-Mag of all Cro-Mags, makes me stabby. Maybe it’s the constant Ayla is a smoking hot babe, Ayla invents EVERYTHING, Ayla is the AWESOME SAUCE, and the beyond explicit humpa-jumpa that starts mid-way through The Valley of Horses. So no big surprise my favorite Earth’s Children novel is The Clan of the Cave Bear. It’s the first and best of all, I barely want to fling it at the new windows.

For those who’ve managed to never encounter The Clan of the Cave Bear and mind you EVEN BLACKLIGHT HAS READ THE CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR, it’s the story of an orphaned modern human little girl saved from certain death from infection, hunger and exposure by a group of Neanderthals (The Clan) who find her as they search for a new home.  The majority of The Clan, a hard working, strong, heavily gender split people, come to accept the little girl, renamed Ayla as best as they can. It’s like a pack of wolves adopting a Shitzu puppy. They’re closely enough related but still oceans apart in understanding and culture. Things will muddle along but it will all end in tears. And on the last page it sure does.

The Clan of the Cave Bear is such a sad book. The Clan is marching towards an extinction caused by their particular evolutionary niche. And Ayla, no matter what she does or what happens to her, will never become a true Clan member. That Shitzu isn’t going to be a lean, mean critter no matter how long Fluffy McPrincess Poofy Poo spends with the wolves. Fluffy McPrincess Poofy Poo is a walking dustmop. Only Fluffy McPrincess Poofy Poo will be eagle food before five plus books filled with Fluffy McPrincess Poofy Poo is the awesome can be spawned.

So to wrap it up (and to stop tying Ayla or Fluffy McPrincess Poofy Poo again), The Clan of the Cave Bear, good but sad. Jean did her research and I like that! Go Jean Go! Ayla (okay, one last time!) bye-bye. The rest of the Earth’s Children series, only if am so drunkalunk that American Idol becomes my favorite show.