Tag: Kay Thompson

Eloise at Christmastime

~ Wendy-Marie ~ 1 Comment

***Holiday Horrors…another May 2011 Eloise series backlog post…READ THIS…IF YOU DARE!***

Who would think a children’s book (I know, I know, Kay Thompson never considered Eloise a children’s book but can you find it in the adult section? NO!) would send me into a screaming rage full of burning questions?

Just who in the name of all that is good and holy are Eloise’s parents canoodling with for management to allow this little monster thing from the depths of hell to stay at their hotel? Don’t other guests complain? Does Eloise’s mother have pictures of herself, the owner of The Plaza and a farm animal?

Because trust me, Eloise is a total brat from hell. Imagine the sheer torture of working there as some little monster races through? Having to smile and be all “oh that’s just Eloise” because you need the job THAT BADLY?

Blacklight: “Honey, aren’t you reading this book a little too deeply?”

Okay, okay, okay. Bottle the rage. Bottle it bottle it bottle it.

It’s Christmas time and Eloise is scampering dampering around The Plaza spreading pure evil Christmas Cheer a la Eloise! There’s presents for everyone! (Golly! No Eloise goes to boarding school until she’s 21? Because THAT WOULD THE MOST AWESOME PRESENT EVER).

Scamper Damper Eloise, Scamper Damper.

Do you have some Advil for me?

No?

FROSTED POP TART!

Eloise’s mother has the sense of mind to be far far far away from The Plaza. Smart woman! Then again she did spawn Eloise. Why? Deal with the devil for her teeny-tiny feet and charge accounts? Hmmm…is Eloise a Meal Ticket baby…okay THINKING WAY TOO HARD AGAIN!

Scamper Damper Eloise.

GET TIPPY NANNIE!

GET TIPPY EVERYONE!

Cue Blacklight pouring tequila shots for EVERYONE!

Eloise In Paris

~ Wendy-Marie ~ Leave a comment

***You can’t escape it…May 2011 Eloise series backlog post…not even hanging with the Big C in R’lyeh**

Things must be getting hot at The Plaza because everyone’s favorite hell child thing that should not exist in a world hotel dweller Eloise is on her way to Paris!

Or Kay Thompson wanted a reason to write off a trip to Europe.

Or someone had worse pictures than Eloise’s mother, the owner of The Plaza and a farm animal.

Whatever the reason, that happy sigh you heard is everyone at The Plaza knowing they can breathe free, have no guest complaints about a certain so called six year old thing that pretends to be human. The horrid wail you hear is everyone in Paris, me and Blacklight because he is trapped in the apartment by a monster cold while I write this.

Blacklight has second hand Eloise damage. Can we file a lawsuit against the estate of Kay Thompson?

No?

DAMNNNNNNN!!!!

So off to Paris go Eloise, her animals and Nannie. But darn it! They’ve just missed Eloise’s mother.

Am beginning to think Eloise’s mother is a mastermind of pure evil so tricksy that Machiavelli and Lord Vetinari take notes. Instead of the long suffering Plaza Hotel, the Relais Bisson (a real place) becomes the home base of the Eloise party.

And then the name dropping begins in earnest.

Git paid Kay Thompson Git paid!

Very few culture spots in Paris are lucky enough to evade Eloise. Even the House of Dior doesn’t manage that! And they’re the ones who popularized the New Look and the Sack dress!

One of the Dior vendeuses is all “merci NON!” and thisclose to doing a Teen Baby eyeroll at the thought of turning hellchild Eloise into a Dior clad little lady. I love that Dior vendeuse so hard and so bad.

Ain’t gonna happen, so just bill (Eloise: CHARGE IT DUMMY! CHARRRRGE IT!) Mama Eloise and git paid.

But eventually the citizens of Paris must rebel or an act of government is passed because our demon seed Eloise returns to America and her beloved Plaza Hotel (still not connecting with the clever as Mr Fox Mama Eloise).

I wonder if you wander The Plaza today, do the ghosts of the depressed and tormented Plaza staff of yore from Eloise’s reign of terror still haunt the hallowed halls?

Eloise In Moscow

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***Another horror from the May 2011 Eloise draft vaults…READ THIS…IF YOU DARE!***

You have to hand it to Mama Eloise.

Somehow she manages to send her demon spawn daughter to Moscow without a second thought. Heck, Eloise’s grandmother even ships a big old limousine to Moscow for Eloise’s stay. Of course when our precious tot (can’t believe I typed THAT without breaking into gales of laughter) arrives, Mama Eloise is elsewhere.

As I’ve said before, clever bish that Mama Eloise.

Perhaps Mama Eloise is hoping her tiny tot will be sent to a gulag. Eloise and Nannie and stupid dog (can’t remember name, don’t feel like looking it up, don’t EVEN WANT to open that book again EVER!), roam about Moscow, see the sights, annoying their spy/guide and causing the usual Eloise mischief. There’s some spy sub-plotline but seriously if ELOISE DOES NOT GET SENT TO A GULAG WHO CARES!?!?!?!

And so help me Deity of Your Choice…there’s one more Eloise book!

Heavens have mercy on me!

Eloise Takes A Bawth

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***The horror and the terror that is…an Eloise May 2011 backlog post…read if you DARE!***

Want to see Blacklight run faster than a cheetah or jaguar or gazelle?

Try screaming “Oh…please FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY HOLD HER DOWN! DO IT DO IT DO IT! You’ll get off with JUSTIFIED HOMICIDE! You’ll get a medal from the Mayor!”

Some books are just so awful you have to wait until the author dies and their estate decides to cash in go into the archives/trunks for the unpublished crap/things that should never see the light of day goodies to please the rabid fandom. I know of what I speak, remember I am a Lovecraft fan girl. I’ve read The Mound for heaven’s sake. AND Medusa’s Coil (hold me!).

For the Eloise fandom, the elusive unpublished manuscript was Eloise Takes A Bawth or as it’s become known in Casa Mr and Mrs Blacklight as The Estate of Kay Thompson Grape Sodas Your Wallet and Memories AND I Mean Grape Sodas It HARD!!!!

Nannie has decreed Eloise has to take a bath because the manager of The Plaza is coming to tea. I refuse to type BAWTH any more than absolutely necessary. Eloise scamper dampers off to the bathroom. If Nannie was a decent person she would creep into that BAWTHROOM and HOLD ELOISE DOWN IN THE BAWTH. But that would be a very very short book. Heck, not even a book, a mere flyer.

Meanwhile the manager is freaking out over a Venetian ball and there are horrible leaks everywhere. Management freaks. Guests freak. Well, all the guests except one certain hell spawn guest whose busy flooding her bathroom while having wonderful adventures. Sadly ONCE AGAIN, Nannie does not take this golden opportunity to rid the world of Eloise. Think about it. It would be so simple. She stepped away for the tiniest minute and the child just drowned. Stupid stupid stupid Nannie. Think of the payoff you could have gotten from Mama Eloise…

Delightful phantasies (the ones with a PH are the best!) aside, things aren’t looking good for The Plaza. Nannie opens the bathroom door (finally! Do it Nannie DO IT!) and out comes Eloise and a tidal wave that knocks Nannie over. The Manager HAS HAD IT! He is MAD!

Might Eloise be facing her final moments!???!??! (oh please oh please oh please).

NO!

Eloise flooding the hotel has made the Venetian Ball BEYOND AWESOME SAUCE! And the little bish has the nerve to tell the Manager to charge the damages to her account.

Golly, I hope Eloise’s daddy or stepdaddy or who ever is responsible for half her DNA is rich because The Manager is saying there’s five million dollars in damage. To my eyes, either Serve Pro or who ever those damage repair specialists are will make a mint or Te Plaza is a tear down.

Either way. ELOISE NEEDS TO PAY. IN BLOOD!

And if the merciful heavens are kind, the estate of Kay Thompson doesn’t have another abomination  unpublished manuscript in their hands. I don’t think my nerves (and Blacklight’s) can take another Eloise adventure…

Eloise

~ Wendy-Marie ~ Leave a comment

Every ten years or so, like bouts of malaria, Kay Thompson’s demon spawn from the inner bowels of hell alter-ego Eloise resurfaces in my life. Heck, I can still remember the unholy fuss the Today show made over the 40th anniversary. And don’t get me started on dropping several copies of Eloise: The Ultimate Edition  (collection of the four original Eloise books) on my foot, my frosted pop tart right baby toe is screaming in pain as I type and that WAS ALMOST TEN YEARS AGO! The latest run in with the undead little demon parading in human form Eloise was almost stepping on Sam Irvin’s Kay Thompson biography at the Book Barn Downtown and a few days later coming across original editions of some of the later works at the N-w B-t-n library. So I figured it was time to welcome Satan’s love child the little angel back into my life. I should have listened to my poor right foot that went totally numb when I touched Eloise in Paris. But sadly, I didn’t.

For those lucky souls (Blacklight) who haven’t meet THE MOST FAMOUS RESIDENT OF THE PLAZA HOTEL EVER (the Dadster, sibling Tichy), the most evil creature on the planet ever and that means more evil than Justin Beiber Eloise is a lively six year old who lives in New York City’s world famous The Plaza Hotel with her doting Nannie. Nannie is English and likes to drink and order from Room Service. Nannie must get paid a fair whack from Mama Eloise because honestly would YOU want to be responsible for this child? Eloise, whose mother must have pictures of The Plaza’s owner with an eight ball, an underage donkey and a chainsaw, has free run of the hotel. She commandeers the elevator, she scamper dampers here, there and EVERYWHERE. She scribbles on walls, peeks her nose into places she has no business…hello The Venetian Room is FOR GROWNUPS ONLY YOU LITTLE BISH! Yet somehow there are other guests who stay at The Plaza. I think the manager must drink heavily. Either that or Mama Eloise has pictures of him with that underage donkey too!

Now “Gwen stop being a bitch” you might say. Or “Eloise is just the most wonderful child ever, so free and creative”. Or “The Poor Little Thing Is Just Acting Out Because Her Parents Abandoned Her”. Interesting points. You know what? I was a creative little monster who got spanked when she colored Barbie’s hair with magic markers and food dye. And cross dressed Ken and GI Joe. And yup, we never do see the two unholy creatures each responsible for half Eloise’s DNA. We never hear about Eloise’s father. And Mama Eloise is always far far far far away. But can’t Nannie discipline the little monster? Come on Nannie DO IT DO IT DO IT!

Eloise almost ten years after I spent several weeks flinching every time I had to stock the picture book section has the same effect on me. Pain…oh the pain.  I can’t WAIT to return this particular book to the library! Uncombed hair and unbrushed teeth be damned!

Kay Thompson

~ Wendy-Marie ~ 1 Comment

If you say the name Kay Thompson, you’ll most likely get blank faces. Then try mentioning the movie Funny Face (to savages like Blacklight, it’s the one with Audrey Hepburn dancing in black capris that the GAP grape soda’ed with AC/DC’s Back in Black) or her best selling book about an undead demon spawn sent to earth to torment the living um I mean, the darling of The Plaza Hotel, the eternally six Eloise.

But Funny Face  and Eloise were the second act of Thompson’s career. Flashback to the 1930s and Kay Thompson was all over the radio, singing the hits solo or with a band of girls. And she went off to Hollywood and coached all the greats including her rumored lover/certainly best friend Judy Garland. Not too shabby for the ugly duckling daughter of pawnbroker right?

And just how did I stumble across all this juicy info about Kay Thompson? It was late April, Blacklight and I are in the Book Barn Downtown killing time during The Great Window Replacement of 2011. I have a shiny new iPhone (a lovely 3GS, don’t have iPhone 4 monies). Blacklight has an iced Dunkee Cup the size of his head. As Blacklight and his giant Dunkee Cup scamper damper off to see what horrific Stephen R. Donaldson wonders might be lurking in the stacks, I’m headed towards the humor section when BAMMO WHAMMO I ALMOST STEP ON A BOOK! Sam Irvin’s Kay Thompson: From Funny Face to Eloise.

So of course I pick it up. Like what I see, but the price is a little high. $7 for a used copy can also buy 1.33 lbs of my favorite Chinese buffett (Blacklight: “Oh, a light snack <snickers>?”) Or two Starbucks Passion Tea Lemonades. I’m all “dang I wish I had a piece of paper to write down the ISBN….dummy….YOU HAVE AN IPHONE NOW!”. Cue me standing in the middle of the film aisle tapping at my iPhone with little sausage fingers and putting Kay Thompson: From Funny Face to Eloise on my inter library loan list! Go Mr iPhone Go Mr iPhone!

Maybe I should have splashed out the $7 at the Book Barn Downtown because my goodness gracious, Kay Thompson: From Funny Face to Eloise  is chock full of awesome. I always thought Kay Thompson was some WASPy blonde from New England. Nope, Kay Thompson may have been the greatest creation to EVER spring from Kitty Fink’s fertile brain.

Her grit and determination made her a star several times over THREE DECADES. She knew how to work the system. Golly, I love Hondas! Dear Honda, can I have a silver 4 door 2011 Honda Accord if I name drop Honda in every blog post? NO? Damnnnnnn….Kay Thompson would have gotten the whole damn Honda fleet! With leather and gold trim! And you can’t walk into the children’s section of a bookstore and NOT find Eloise! Ignore the plump brunette in glasses clutching her pink clad Mr iPhone who is rocking back and forth like she’s just sat through the entire Sex and the City thing INCLUDING BOTH MOVIES!

Like her fellow best-selling children’s book featuring unholy demon spawns bearing torment and eternal suffering to all those who stumble into their orbits I mean, an enchanting blonde who lives in a fantastic world author Dare Wright, Kay Thompson’s later years marked a major decline. Remember how Dare Wright looked like an ancient Barbie doll? Kay Thompson looked like a walking skeleton. Luckily, Kay Thompson didn’t die in a hospital alone but spent her final years much loved by her god-daughter Liza Minnelli who went so far as to allow her godmother to take over her one bedroom New York apartment for years. Now remember, Kay Thompson wasn’t the easiest person to deal with. Eloise illustrator Hillary Knight got majorly grape soda’ed by his dealings with Thompson. Miss Kay wasn’t afraid to sue or take full credit when it came to her projects. So add that to an INSANE New York City housing market and you can totally give Liza Minnelli a pass for her whiskey tango foxtrot union with David Gest.

Once you read about Kay Thompson, her life story will stick with you. Heck, it’s been three weeks since I cracked open Kay Thompson: From Funny Face to Eloise  and went down the rabbit hole and I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO CRACK OPEN THE BOOK TO REFRESH MY MEMORY OF IT. I read lots of books. LOTS OF BOOKS. Usually I have to peek at least once or twice when I’m blogging! So Bravo! Good job, Sam Irvin, good job.