Tag: Why Why Why

Buy All The Books!

~ Wendy-Marie ~ Leave a comment

I could be trolling the Lands’ End website, looking for the perfect grey, pink and green cardigans to add to the rainbow of Lands’ End fine gauge classic cardigans in my closet. Or I could be ordering a tiny bottle of Demeter’s Paperback because few things are sexier than smelling like books. Instead I’m on a mad hunt to replace wonderful, charming, enchanting and most delightful cozy reads that are disappearing from the local libraries. And the saddest thing? I know I’m not the only person reading these vanishing books because half the time I’m waiting for the books to be returned by another patron before I can get my little undead raccoon hands on them!

Perhaps I should have know something was up when I was in Canton and decided to check out Jacqueline Susann’s very first book Every Night, Josephine! Sometimes you just need to read about a glamorous poodle girl and her equally funny and glamorous owner (who was a few years away from Valley of the Dolls mega literary stardom). But when I went to the dog section, no Every Night, Josephine! for me. I shrugged my shoulders (it’s a small library and I can’t imagine Every Night, Josephine! was a huge checkout hit) and got a collection of James Herriot stories instead.

And then the E.M. Delafield Virago Classics disappeared from the stacks. And yesterday, well the Deaccession Squad, they got Faith Addis and Wendy Holden…

A little back story. On my commute to Company X, I listen to audiobooks and podcasts when I’m not listening to NPR. Which is fine and dandy except my dear Mr Honda doesn’t have a CD player or fancy USB port like my brother’s Honda. Mr Honda has a cassette player. And yes, technology and library resources have changed and everyone, I mean everyone has CD players and cassette audiobooks take up so much space and who checks out cassette books anymore  and all those wonderful cassette audiobooks are gone.

But the library in the same town as Company X, a picture perfect Connecticut town you fully expect to see Lorelai Gilmore pop out of a shop clutching a to-go cup of coffee the size of the Titanic as she chats a mile a minute, this town, heck let’s call it Stars Hollow, had tons of space and money and cassette audiobooks. And not just any cassette audiobooks but Clipper Audio cassette audiobooks. I had never heard of Faith Addis until I stumbled across Year of the Cornflake, Green Behind the Ears and Down to Earth. Sure I had read and loved Wendy Holden’s Gossip Hound (I love me some Wendy Holden!) but I had no idea how many of Belinda Black’s adventures had been removed from the US release until I  found the Fame Fatale (UK title of Gossip Hound) cassette audiobook and laughed myself silly on my commute for a most glorious week.

But the Deaccession Squads are busy at work combing the stacks. If I had any idea that some of my favorite books/cassette audiobooks had been on the chopping block I would have been first in line at the library book sales to snap them up. Any wonder I’m on Mr Couch, tracking my Awesome Book UK order for E.M. Delafield Provincial Lady omnibus and searching for Faith Addis? Who will be next? Monica Dickens? Miss Read? Winifred Watson? Joyce Dennys? D.E. Stevenson? Helene Hanff? Barbara Pym? Elizabeth von Armin? Maybe I should just book a ticket to the UK and raid the used bookshops…

Eloise Takes A Bawth

~ Wendy-Marie ~ Leave a comment

***The horror and the terror that is…an Eloise May 2011 backlog post…read if you DARE!***

Want to see Blacklight run faster than a cheetah or jaguar or gazelle?

Try screaming “Oh…please FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY HOLD HER DOWN! DO IT DO IT DO IT! You’ll get off with JUSTIFIED HOMICIDE! You’ll get a medal from the Mayor!”

Some books are just so awful you have to wait until the author dies and their estate decides to cash in go into the archives/trunks for the unpublished crap/things that should never see the light of day goodies to please the rabid fandom. I know of what I speak, remember I am a Lovecraft fan girl. I’ve read The Mound for heaven’s sake. AND Medusa’s Coil (hold me!).

For the Eloise fandom, the elusive unpublished manuscript was Eloise Takes A Bawth or as it’s become known in Casa Mr and Mrs Blacklight as The Estate of Kay Thompson Grape Sodas Your Wallet and Memories AND I Mean Grape Sodas It HARD!!!!

Nannie has decreed Eloise has to take a bath because the manager of The Plaza is coming to tea. I refuse to type BAWTH any more than absolutely necessary. Eloise scamper dampers off to the bathroom. If Nannie was a decent person she would creep into that BAWTHROOM and HOLD ELOISE DOWN IN THE BAWTH. But that would be a very very short book. Heck, not even a book, a mere flyer.

Meanwhile the manager is freaking out over a Venetian ball and there are horrible leaks everywhere. Management freaks. Guests freak. Well, all the guests except one certain hell spawn guest whose busy flooding her bathroom while having wonderful adventures. Sadly ONCE AGAIN, Nannie does not take this golden opportunity to rid the world of Eloise. Think about it. It would be so simple. She stepped away for the tiniest minute and the child just drowned. Stupid stupid stupid Nannie. Think of the payoff you could have gotten from Mama Eloise…

Delightful phantasies (the ones with a PH are the best!) aside, things aren’t looking good for The Plaza. Nannie opens the bathroom door (finally! Do it Nannie DO IT!) and out comes Eloise and a tidal wave that knocks Nannie over. The Manager HAS HAD IT! He is MAD!

Might Eloise be facing her final moments!???!??! (oh please oh please oh please).

NO!

Eloise flooding the hotel has made the Venetian Ball BEYOND AWESOME SAUCE! And the little bish has the nerve to tell the Manager to charge the damages to her account.

Golly, I hope Eloise’s daddy or stepdaddy or who ever is responsible for half her DNA is rich because The Manager is saying there’s five million dollars in damage. To my eyes, either Serve Pro or who ever those damage repair specialists are will make a mint or Te Plaza is a tear down.

Either way. ELOISE NEEDS TO PAY. IN BLOOD!

And if the merciful heavens are kind, the estate of Kay Thompson doesn’t have another abomination  unpublished manuscript in their hands. I don’t think my nerves (and Blacklight’s) can take another Eloise adventure…

Whiter Shades of Pale

~ Wendy-Marie ~ Leave a comment

Even though I coordinate the hot pink cover on Mr iPhone to the pink trim on my new Lands’ End tote with my initials in matching pink to a pink and green Lilly cotton scarf and pair THAT with slim gray pants, black ballet flats, white blouse and pink sweater tied around my shoulders, I know I come from THE WRONG KIND OF WHITE PEOPLE. Oh, calm down NASCAR and Toby Keith loving bio relatives! I know we’re not straight out of  The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia! But we’re certainly not the demographic who pick up Whiter Shades of Pale, flick through the chapters and nod sagely, let alone pick up a quick nibble from Whole Foods and wear NPR gear head to toe! And remember I’m the family member with the massive crush on NPR Music’s Stephen Thompson!

So what is Whiter Shades of Pale? Well, according to author Christian Lander, it’s things white (the right kind of white that is) like. Funny or Ironic tattoos. Me: Nope. Trivia. Me: Yes. Sea Salt. Me: Yes if it’s at a restaurant, I’m not paying $7-25 for a frosted pop tart jar of salt! Trader’s Joe. Me: It depends, kinda crunchy. Appearing to enjoy classical music. Me: frosted pop tart you, I like classical music and listen to it at work, just ask my former Barnes & Noble coworkers!. Camping. Me: ARE YOU HIGH? I HATE OUTSIDE! (bonus points if you got the Logan’s Run reference). Small batch soda. Me: rip my Diet Canada Dry out of my undead paws. American Apparel, Hummus, My So-Called Life, Mad Men, Alternative Newspapers, Ugly Sweater Parties, Bumper Stickers, Monty Python, Improv….Me: BLANKET NO!

Let’s face it. Whiter Shades of Pale is your book if you love the IFC series Portlandia or read The Hipster Handbook to death. Got Judge John Hodgman on your iPod? (Dear Family, that was the fat dorky guy in the Mac & Windows commercials, cue Blacklight and Clan Gwendy going “ohhh him” and heading out to Dunkee Cup for an extra-large hot coffee and a double choccy donut) If this sounds like you, I bet you already own Whiter Shades of Pale. If you’re more like me, Judge John Hodgman almost caused you to have a ‘sode at work, you can go into Whole Foods and spend less than $10, Starbucks is a for special treat, then either read Whiter Shades of Pale in one of those nice comfy chairs at Barnes & Noble or go to the posh town’s library and check it out. You’re using the library system (very very very good) AND saving yourself $15.00! I get Whiter Shades of Pale is suppose to be quirky and ironic and meta and all that stuff but it’s not a book for me. If it’s your thing, more power to ya!